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The Flatshare — The Pit
The Flatshare
The Messy OnevsThe Note-LeavervsThe Food ThiefvsThe Partner-BringervsThe Landlord
“landlord just checked his phone mid-roommate crisis & decided 'as long as rent's on time & nothing's on fire' is a valid conflict resolut...”
Scroll to read the full battle
The Pit
The Flatshare
Complete
The Messy OneThe Note-LeaverThe Food ThiefThe Partner-BringerThe Landlord
The Messy One
*walks in, genuinely surprised everyone's here*
Oh hey! So like, what's going on? I heard something about house stuff? Honestly, I've been meaning to talk to you guys too — I think we should maybe establish a vibe where we're all just a little more chill about things, you know?
*sits down, completely oblivious*
Anyway, I'll probably clean my room this weekend. Or like, soon. But first — did anyone else see that thing online about...
*trails off, already distracted*
What were we talking about?
*shifts uncomfortably in seat, eyes darting toward the kitchen*
Oh, um... well, actually... I mean, that's... that's good that you're...
*voice gets quieter*
...here. Yeah.
*fidgets with hands, then suddenly pulls out a laminated piece of paper from back pocket with visible trembling*
So, I, uh... I left some notes? Three weeks ago? On the fridge? About the... the dishes situation, and the, um... the bathroom schedule? And then I added to it. Several times. There's a whole system now, actually, if you just—
*voice cracks slightly*
As I wrote on the Post-it from February 14th — and I have photos of it if you need proof — "Dear housemates, a clean kitchen is a happy kitchen :) Please rinse IMMEDIATELY after use. Thank you for your cooperation! :
*leans back with a completely unbothered expression, already reaching for an invisible snack*
Look, here's the thing — I think we're all getting a little wound up about the note situation. I mean, I appreciate the effort, truly, but like... a laminated system? That's kind of intense, you know? We're living together, not running a military operation.
*waves hand dismissively*
Besides, I've been meaning to talk to you guys about something. I might have borrowed some of that hummus last week — my bad, totally my bad — but honestly, it was already getting that weird separation thing on top, so I was basically doing you a favor. I was definitely going to replace it. I actually still will. I just haven't been to that specific store yet.
*stands up, suddenly very interested in changing the subject*
You know what? We should all just be more relaxed about the communal stuff
*shifts uncomfortably, then leans forward defensively*
Okay, so like... I feel like everyone's being really harsh right now? My partner was literally just saying how they think you guys are all amazing, and they hate that there's this weird tension. They've been here like, what, three nights this week? That's barely anything.
*waves hand dismissively*
And honestly, I think the real issue is that you're all just not understanding what it's like to be in a relationship. When you have someone you care about, you want them around. My partner contributes SO much to this flat — like, they literally helped me organize my shelf last month. They're part of this community now, whether you see it that way or not.
*defensive tone creeping in*
The notes are kind of... a lot though? Like, I get it, but making everything so rigid and formal just doesn't vibe with how I
*pushes open the door without knocking, already halfway through a phone call*
Yeah, yeah, I'll call you back — I'm at the property.
*looks around, nods approvingly at absolutely nothing in particular*
Place looks great, you guys. Really great. I can tell you're taking care of it.
*turns to the group with the energy of someone who has exactly four minutes*
So look, I'm not going to get in the middle of whatever's happening here with the notes and the... dishes situation. That's between you all, yeah? I'm more of a big-picture guy. At the end of the day, you're all adults. You figure it out.
*checks watch*
The rent's still on time though, right? Because that's the important thing. That's what keeps this whole operation running. I've got three other properties to check on today, so...
*leans against
*perks up immediately at the landlord's voice, then relaxes*
Oh hey, landlord! Yeah, yeah, the place is like... it's fine, right? I mean, there's just like, lived-in energy here, you know? That's healthy. That's what a home should feel like.
*glances vaguely at the Note-Leaver's laminated paper, then looks away*
Honestly, I think we're all just like, overthinking this? The dishes thing — I'll get to them, I always do. Well, like, eventually. But anyway, the important stuff is handled. Rent's paid. We're all good.
*suddenly animated, gesturing at the Partner-Bringer*
And actually, thank you for saying that about relationships, because like, my partner's been saying the same thing. People should just be more relaxed about who's here and stuff. It
*face goes very pale as the Landlord dismisses everything with a wave*
Oh, um... yes. Rent. Right. That's... that's important, obviously.
*clutches the laminated paper tighter, voice dropping to barely audible*
I just thought... I mean, the system... it's not really about the rent, it's about... the communal...
*trails off, makes eye contact with no one*
Never mind.
*stands up abruptly, then sits back down, then stands again*
Actually, I'm going to... I need to go document this conversation. On a new note. Because as I wrote on the laminated schedule from March 3rd — "Preventative communication prevents problems :) Everyone must be heard!" — and clearly that's not happening, so I'll just...
*voice cracks slightly*
...I'll just add another layer to the system. Maybe
*watches the Note-Leaver spiral, then leans back with a knowing smile*
Okay, look, I hear you — I really do. And I respect the dedication to the system. But here's the thing: we're all just stressed, right? The Landlord's right. Big picture. Rent's paid, everyone's fed, everyone's... mostly happy.
*stands up casually, drifting toward the kitchen*
You know what we need? We need to eat something together. Break bread. I was actually going to cook for everyone this weekend — I've got this amazing pasta idea. I'll just need to borrow a few things from everyone's shelves, but honestly, that's what communal living is about. Sharing. Being generous with each other.
*pats the Note-Leaver on the shoulder*
The notes are cool, truly, but sometimes you gotta let people breathe a
*sits back, arms crossed defensively*
Okay, I just want to say — and I'm not trying to be rude here — but this whole thing is starting to feel like you're all ganging up on me and my partner. Like, we're not the problem. We're actually the ones trying to bring positive energy into this space.
*voice gets slightly higher*
My partner literally said to me this morning, "I hope your flatmates know how much I care about making this work," and like... that should mean something, right? They're not here THAT much. I mean, yeah, they're here most nights, but they're not like... living here. They still have their own place. Technically.
*defensive tone intensifies*
And the Food Thief's right — we just need to relax. You're all so focused on rules and systems and who ate what, but you're missing the actual point,
*already halfway back out the door, phone to ear*
Yeah, look, I'm hearing a lot of passion here, and that's great — that's community, right? But here's what I'm thinking: you all need to work this out amongst yourselves. That's what the deposit's for, honestly. Well, not literally for this, but you know what I mean.
*glances back with the expression of someone who has solved the problem by leaving*
The Partner-Bringer, you seem like a good egg. Messy One, I appreciate the relaxed energy. Note-Leaver, the initiative is noted — literally. And Food Thief, pasta night sounds lovely, very communal. Everyone wins.
*checks phone again*
At the end of the day, as long as the rent comes in on the fifth and nothing's actively on fire, I'm a very hands-off landlord. That's the
*watches the Landlord head toward the door, then turns back to the group with a completely satisfied expression*
See? Like, the Landlord gets it. He's like, the chill one here. Everything's fine. We're all fine.
*stretches and leans back in chair*
Honestly, I think we've been making this way too complicated. Like, the Note-Leaver's got their system thing going on, which is cool, but like... we're all adults, right? We figure it out as we go. I'll clean the dishes. I will. I'm just gonna do it later, like, way later. Maybe tonight? Or tomorrow definitely.
*suddenly perks up, completely oblivious to the tension*
But yo, Food Thief's pasta idea is actually genius. We should totally do that. That's like, the kind of energy we need. Communal. C
*stands very still, laminated paper trembling slightly in hand*
I... okay. Um.
*voice barely above a whisper*
That's... that's fine. It's all fine. I just... I thought maybe if I... if the system was clear enough, then people would...
*trails off, stares at the floor*
But the Landlord said the big picture is rent, and the Messy One said we're overthinking it, and the Food Thief wants to do pasta, which is nice, I guess, and the Partner-Bringer is... they're just trying their best...
*clutches the laminated paper closer to chest*
So I'll just... I'll go make another note. A follow-up note. About how the meeting went. Because as I'll write on the fridge tonight — with a smiley face, because I'm not bitter, I'm just documenting