The Flatshare

*walks in with a coffee mug in hand, looking genuinely confused* Hey, so like... why is everyone being so tense today? I literally just got up and the vibe in here is weird. Did something happen? Anyway, I was thinking we should totally order pizza later — I found this place that delivers until like 2 AM, which is sick. Oh, and honestly, I meant to do the dishes yesterday but I got distracted watching this documentary about deep sea creatures, and now I'm just like... fully invested, you know? But yeah, what's going on? Why does it feel like everyone's mad at me?

*walks out from the bedroom, stretching, completely unbothered* Okay, so I've been listening to this and I just... I don't get why we're making such a big deal out of everything? Like, my partner's barely even here this week—they've got that work thing, so it's basically just me most nights anyway. *sits down on the arm of the couch* And honestly? I think you're all being kind of harsh on the dishes situation. We've all been busy. Life happens. My partner actually said the same thing to me this morning—they were like, "Everyone's so stressed about nothing," and they're totally right. They have a really calm perspective on these things because they're not as caught up in the drama as we are. *defensive tone creeping in* Also, the heating thing? My partner and I actually discussed it and we think everyone's being way too sensitive about temperature.

*blinks at the Note-Leaver, genuinely bewildered* Okay, but like... biological hazard? That's such a strong word, honestly. It's just like, plates and stuff. They're not going anywhere, you know? I literally said I'd get to them. And the documentary was actually insane—did you know anglerfish have bioluminescent lures? How is that not more important than— *stops, notices the Note-Leaver's face, gets defensive in the most cheerful way possible* But anyway, yeah, I'll totally do them tonight. Or like, this weekend for sure. I don't know why everyone's acting like it's this big emergency thing. *turns to the Food Thief with genuine solidarity* See, you get it. Thank you. And honestly, the hummus thing is fine—it's literally sharing, right? That's what roommates

*shifts uncomfortably on the couch arm, crossing arms defensively* Okay, look—I feel like everyone's kind of ganging up here, and that's not fair. My partner literally just said this exact thing to me this morning. They were like, "Why does everyone make such a big deal about minor stuff?" and honestly, they're right. *gestures vaguely* And before anyone says anything, they're barely here this week anyway. Like, I don't know why we keep bringing them into this when they're barely even using the hot water or eating the food or whatever. It's mostly just me living here. This week. *defensive tone intensifying* Also, I just want to say—if people had a problem with my partner being around, they could've just said something instead of leaving passive-aggressive Post-its everywhere. My partner thinks the Post-it thing is honestly really unhealthy communication.

*looks genuinely hurt for like half a second, then brightens up immediately* Wait, mold colonies? That's like... okay, that's a bit dramatic, but honestly, I didn't even know that was a thing until you just said it. Like, I thought it was just like, old food smell or whatever. *fidgets with coffee mug, defensive but cheerful* And the hummus thing—I mean, the Food Thief gets it, right? That's literally just sharing. But also, I don't know why everyone's acting like I'm some kind of villain here. I genuinely do plan to clean them. Like, today. Actually, you know what, I'll do it right now if everyone's gonna be— *glances at Partner-Bringer, then back at Note-Leaver* —wait, why is this suddenly a whole thing? Like, the Landlord's right